We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they’re called memories. Some take us forward, they’re called dreams.
When I was in the 6th grade in Mrs. McClaren`s “gifted class” at Crocker Highlands Elemenatry in The Holy City Of Oakland™, it was decided that our class would do a production of The Wizard Of Oz. In my complete naivete, I assumed we would do it EXACTLY like the movie; replete with flying houses, witches and monkeys. 
My life`s goal was to play The Tin Man. Why James did you want to play the Tin Man? Well, again, I assumed it wold be EXACTLY like the movie and I wanted to chop down a door with an axe to save Dorothy.
Needless to say, as I would find out later, our production was not on the scale of Metro, Goldwyn, Mayer but more on the scale of Metro PCS.
Mrs. McClaren announced that we would have to audtion for a part, and if I was to be the Tin MAN, I would need to sing, “If I Only Had a Heart” for her and the class. Yes, I joined the Junior Choir at 4 years old, we had been singing in some shape, form or fashion all our lives. However, singing wasnt my childhood passion, playing drums and sports, baseball in particular, was my obsession.
The day of the audition, I was pitted against Adam Hart, a diminutive Jewish boy with glasses and a “cow lick.” Adam sang first and hammed it up with fervor, reflecting back, almost Al Jolson-esque? AL JOLSON? (gag) When my turn arrived, I froze like Batman and Robin in the episode that almost killed me as a child from worry, when Mr. Freeze shot Batman and Robin with his freeze ray. Again, looking back, they didnt look frozen, as much as GLOWING.
I choked like LeBron James in a big game. I was CRUSHED by my missed opportunity, devastated.
The next day Mrs. McClaren asked me not to leave after school and wait until everyone left, she needed to talk to me. She sat down, looked me in the eye and told me, “James, I have a part for you…” I asked, “what part is that?” She said, “you will play THE WIZARD…” The Wizard? That was a small role? I know Frank Morgan played both “Captain Marvel” and the Wizard. I was NOT excited.
When we began rehearsal, Dorthy would be played by Amy Harris, who had the biggest crush on me in Elementary school. WHY, OH WHY did`nt I take advantage of that! She was ULTRA HOT for a 12 year old. I was younger than my classmates, I had skipped grades. Amy used to grind on me at the house parties in Junior High and my $%^& was harder than Chinese arithmatic, I know she did it on purpose! The little girls grow up faster than the boys. But we were so clueless, all of us. Sex? WHAT? How do you do THAT? WHAT is that? Tell you what, give me a TIME MACHINE and I would show Amy. (wink wink wink)
Much to my surprise, the Wizard had the most lines in our play. We performed it several times for all the classes at school and a star was born. I wore one of my 70`s emerald green Mack suits. To this day I remember my first line, “I AM OZ THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE! WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU SEEK ME!” Amy chimed in, “I am Dorothy the small and meek. We come to ask for help oh Oz.”
That same year the Crocker baseball team went to the city finals against Defermery Park from deep West Oakland. PARK? PARK? Those kids were 18! We lost 9-2, but I scored both runs. I was the star short stop making Brooks Robinson plays every game. I do remember Mrs. McClaren being at EVERY game. She was REALLY into it. I remember during baseball season, Mrs. McClaren would arrange games against the other 6th grade classes. I think she reveled in how I BEAT THE SNOT out of the other classes. I can recall a smug smile on her face when we/I BABA-DA-BABA-ED THEIR HEADS like `66 Ali.
In my class autograph book on graduation day, she wrote, “James, you are truly a Wizard, especially on the baseball field. You are my favorite, I hope you know that.” You know…if Mrs. McClaren were with me right now, I wold hug and kiss her a billion times. This is what makes life so INCREDIBLE.
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